The Weekend Blog | I’m not alone

6th August 2017

A few months ago, I broke down in tears because I felt lonely. I felt like I was a horrible person who drove people away from me. I felt like people didn’t want to spend time with me because I’m constantly miserable or depressed. I felt like I’d isolated myself.

Just before we moved house I had a panic attack one night over the fact the house we’d bought was further away from Liverpool and not as close to a train station as the one we had been renting was, and this made me feel even more isolated than before.

But the last few weeks have reminded that I’m definitely not alone. Far from it.

I have lots of incredible friends from various aspects of my life; from school, from university, from work, from blogging, even from friends of other friends. And over the last couple of weeks I’ve spent a lot of time with these friends, and it has really lifted my spirits.

Let’s start with last Friday. It was our summer night out with work and we went for a meal at Viva Brazil in Liverpool. I almost didn’t go. I almost talked myself out it like I had done for the last couple of nights out. Something had happened at work the day before and I wasn’t feeling particularly happy, and the weather was horrific.

But after much deliberation I decided to go, and I even took the bus into town for the first time. As I mentioned before, we aren’t as close to a train station anymore. However, a bus that goes straight into Liverpool runs past the end of our road, so I decided to give it ago. Buses, for some reason, make me really anxious, but it was absolutely fine, and it made me realise I’m not as disconnected from Liverpool as I thought I was.

In the end, I’m glad I went to the meal because I thoroughly enjoyed the food and I had a really good laugh with my colleagues. And even though I drank loads of my favourite beer (Sagres!) I wasn’t too hung over in the morning.

The next day I got up early and headed over to Manchester to meet up with Amy and Pauline. I’ve been following their blogs for a very long time so I was super excited to meet them in real life. I usually feel nervous about meeting other bloggers for the first time, but for once, I didn’t. I just had a good feeling that we’d all get on really well. And you know what? We did!

After Twitter users voted for us to get Italian food, we decided to meet up at a place called The Pasta Factory for lunch. I had a mushroom ravioli (I couldn’t pronounce the name let alone remember it) which was delicious, and we chatted about how weird it was to see each other in real life after all these years of just reading each others blogs.

After lunch we hunted down some delicious ice cream at a place called Gino’s Gelato. I chose caramel and Kinder Bueno flavoured ice creams and they did not disappoint. I really want to go back just to try the rest of the incredible flavours.

We browsed around some shops in the Northern Quarter, including the book shop my brother works in (although he wasn’t working that day). I bought a really cool print for Tyrone which has illustrations of iconic Formula 1 cars on it. Fortunately he loved it just as much as I thought he would.

After a spot of shopping, we spent the rest of the afternoon sitting in the park and chatting about everything and anything. There was no awkwardness at all. We just talked, and talked and talked! It was like we’d known each other for years…which I guess we kind of have. Honestly, Amy and Pauline are such lovely ladies!

Then on Wednesday this week I met up with Anca for a catch up. Anca suggested we try Alison Appleton Tea House on Lark Lane, and I’m so glad she did because Lark Lane is such a lovely part of the city that I’d always wanted to visit. I had a fruit infused tea (mango, I think) which was absolutely delicious, and incredibly reasonable price wise.

We had a lovely chat, and Anca kindly gave me a Marvel Comics light up canvas to put in my new house. We’ve put it on our bookcase in our living room and it looks so cool!

I booked a day off work on Friday because I my parents were coming up to Liverpool to see a show. We headed into town together and had lunch at Miller and Carter in Albert Dock. This restaurant has played a special part in our lives since I moved to Liverpool. It’s where we went to eat when I first moved to Liverpool, it’s where I celebrated my 21st birthday (and possibly my 19th?!) and it’s where we went to eat after my graduation. So it was lovely to go back with my parents again, and we made a toast to my new house.

Yesterday we invited a few of our friends over to the house. It was our first time having guests over in our new home so I was excited to show them around. My friend Rebecca (who I met at university) bought me some chocolates and a Yankee Candle in the best scent ever; black cherry. We played Cards Against Humanity, ordered some pizzas in, and just all in all had a really chilled out evening.

I can’t wait to get some beds in the spare rooms so we can actually have people to stay over. Public transport can really restrict how long people can stay in an evening!

So yes, as you can probably tell I’ve had a very busy few weeks, but I feel happy because I’ve spent my time with some incredible people who had helped to realise that I am not lonely and that I am loved. I’m so so grateful for having these people in my life, and if I ever feel lonely again I’ll just re-read this post.

I hope you have had a lovely weekend!

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  1. Jess

    Hello there. I stumbled upon your blog, read some entries and enjoyed what I’ve seen. I hate those moments when you feel like that but it sounds like you have a great support system! And how cool it is to have met other bloggers who inspired you. Hopefully you won’t have many moments like that. And congrats on the new place!

    • Holly

      Hi Jess! Thanks for taking the time to comment. 😊

      It’s a horrible feeling, isn’t it! Sometimes you just need to spend time with other people to realise how lucky you are.

  2. […] if you want a really emotional and beautiful post, go visit Holly’s blog. It’s so positive and lovely and I was smiling so much […]

  3. Amy

    Aww, Holly, this post made me so emotional. So sorry to hear that you were feeling like that. I know I’ve had that feeling a few times and it’s not good at all. Definitely helps to remember how many amazing people you have in your life and how people do love you!

    I had such an amazing time with you and Pauline! You’re both such amazing people and I’m so glad we got to meet. We definitely have to do it again! I mean, I NEED to see Liverpool and Sheffield!

    I also want more gelato. Even though they didn’t quite fit it in the tub properly, it tasted amazing and I’d love to try more flavours! Plus, even though it’s full of dodgy characters, I love Manchester.

    The tea house you and Anca went to sounds amazing. I’ve never actually tried fruity tea, but it sounds lovely. It’s so nice of her to get you something for your new house. Glad you guys had fun!

    Glad you’re feeling happier now. If you’re ever feeling alone again, feel free to message/ring me or COME TO LEEDS! (Even though I don’t reckon much to Leeds ‘cos I’ve lived here forever).

    • Holly

      Aww Amy! I didn’t mean to make anyone emotional!

      I can’t wait to meet up again. And Leeds! I definitely want to visit Leeds again.

      Haha yeah, the weirdos make Manchester!

      It was my first time trying a fruity tea, but I’d already had so much “normal” tea that day that it made a lovely change. Now I want to go back and try all the different flavours.

      Thank you so much, Amy. I really, really appreciate your support.

  4. I’m sorry you felt lonely, I know how it feels sometimes. It was lovely to see you again, our chat really helped me. We can have tea together anytime you feel lonely in the future. Hugs xx

  5. Cristina Cocioaba

    I am sorry that you felt lonely. I get that sometimes and then I remember as you did that I have amazing friends. Sometimes I get tired of my own presence, but i try to enjoy myself, to be comfortable being alone for a while. *work in progress*

    I am so happy for that you’re got to meet Pauline and Amy. I am sure it wasn’t awkward because reading blogs for so many years, blogs where people pour their sould, you get to know the person. You become friends.

    I am happy for you and I hope you will meet again <3

  6. I’m so sad to hear that you were feeling down, Holly – you absolutely don’t deserve to feel like that! I’m glad you’re no longer feeling that way! It sounds like your night out with work was a lot of fun – and just what was needed! Having the bus that runs straight into Liverpool stop so close to home must be hugely useful, too! Very handy =p
    Your outing with Amy and Pauline sounds lovely! Kinder Bueno gelato must have been delicious. It’s wonderful that you felt so comfortable with them both, and I hope you get to see them again soon. Your trip to Lark Lane with Anca must have been great too, it’s such an excting place! The Marvel canvas sounds really cool.
    It sounds like Miller and Carter is very special to you, and I’m glad you got to go again with your family. Did your parents enjoy the show?
    I’m really happy for you that you’ve had such a great time with lovely people – and I’m glad it’s helped you realise you’ve not isolated yourself at all, but you’ve done the opposite! I hope everything keeps going so well for you! =]

  7. Cat

    Sorry to hear that you felt so down and lonely 🙁 I’m so glad to hear that you’re feeling a lot better from that!

    I just finished reading Pauline’s entry about your meet up! It makes me happy to see you guys getting together and having so much fun 🙂 I’ve felt the same way when meeting other bloggers. Talking together feels so natural because we already know so much about each other!

    I’m also glad you had a good time with your colleagues and meeting up with other friends! It’s good that you’re happier now!

  8. Awww, I absolutely love this post! I know for a fact that you are not alone, you have a number of friends (online /blogosphere especially) who care and love you to pieces! Me being one of them!! It was such a pleasure to meet you in real life and connect with you; you’re exactly how you are online and how I’d imagined you. Thank you for making it such a wonderful day!

    I’m glad you got to meet up with Anca too. I’ve been reading her blog for a while now and think she’s lovely!

    You’re never alone Holly! Love you lots!! Keep smiling 💜

  9. I get these bouts at times too, but when I come out of them I know I was never really alone. So, Holly, you are not alone either, and if and when you feel so you can ping any of us blogging people on twitter, etc and have a good healthy chat (it may not be geographically easy to meet all blogging pals!)

    I”m glad you could meet Pauline and Anca and had a great time with them!