The Weekend Blog

20th July 2014


Another week, another weekend blog.

The beginning of the week wasn’t so great as I suffered with a panic attack on Monday night. The last time I had experienced one this bad was just before I moved away to university almost two years ago. It was horrible being on my own, but I managed to calm myself down with the help of some relaxing spa music. However, I still felt ill for the rest of the week and I’m still not feeling 100% well now.

I have absolutely no appetite and I haven’t had since Monday. I’m only eating at meal times because I feel I should, rather than because I’m hungry. And then when I do eat I can only eat small portions. This it totally unlike me.

My hip is also causing me issues (when does it not) and was probably one of the main factors in causing my panic attack. That day I had struggled to make it into town and back, visiting just two shops. It’s strange how some days I have little issues, and that I can walk around places like Southport, at a slow pace, without too many problems. Yet some days, even getting to the shops to buy essentials is a challenge.

It’s not just the physical problems caused by my disability that affect me. It’s emotionally draining. I try my best to put on a brave face but sometimes I just can’t cope. My self confidence has almost entirely disappeared and I am struggling to put any effort into the way I look. Shopping for clothes is a complete nightmare because I feel like I look rubbish in everything. But at the same time I know I need to buy new clothes because I’m wearing the same thing everyday.

I’m just struggling to look on the bright side of things at the moment. Everyday is a battle and it often ends in tears.

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  1. I’m sorry to hear that you had a panic attack :(. But I’m glad to hear that you calmed yourself down on your own :). Hopefully you’ll be better soon. Stay strong and hang on in there! Do what you can to get the job done.

    I understand you about the shopping part :I. It’s kind of hard to find clothes that fits my size perfectly but I manage to work with it somehow by just going along with it and everything. It’s easier to say, but sometimes, you just gotta go for it!

    • Holly

      Thank you. πŸ™‚ I use to have size problems with clothes a few years back and it was so depressing. Even the smallest adult sizes didn’t fit me.

  2. Sam

    Ugh, I’m sorry to read that you had a panic attack – they can be absolutely brutal, I know them all too well. I’m happy to see you were able to control it on your own – and that’s super important to be able to do that, not everyone can grasp a hold of themselves when they’re having a full blown panic attack! Proud of you πŸ™‚ I’m sorry to hear about your hip though, and it giving you problems! I suffer from lower back discomfort a lot, and I also have TMJ which causes a lot of anxiety and stress for me (before I was on medication, my anxiety was a lot worse), so your body pains and aches definitely have an added effect on panic, that’s for sure. Hope you feel better soon!

    • Holly

      Thank you. πŸ™‚ It was certainly difficult to do it. I find controlling my breathing a real challenge. I’m sorry to hear about your anxiety but I’m glad the medication helps.

      • Sam

        Thank you! I know how hard it is to try and control your breathing – it’s a super challenge and I give major kudos to the people who have theirs under control… one day we’ll all rise above this anxiety problem! <3

  3. Rachel

    Sorry to hear you had a panic attack, I get them too and they are horrendous.

    I always shop online when I feel dreadful, ASOS is pretty good for returns and you can have privacy and not risk pain.

    • Holly

      I think I need to give online clothes shopping more of a chance. I always worry about sizing since it seems to vary so much between shops. I’ve always liked the look of ASOS clothing so I might just give it a go. πŸ™‚

  4. Cat

    Oh no, sorry to hear that you had a panic attack and that you were by yourself when it happened πŸ™ I’m glad you were able to calm yourself down at least. It sounds both physically and emotionally draining to go through the issues with your hip. I think you’re a strong person though! I hope you’re feeling better!

  5. Panic attacks are the worst, I’m sorry to hear that, but big congrats for calming yourself down, I can never do that.

  6. Oh sorry to hear that your hip is causing you so many problems πŸ™

    I hate shopping for clothes too, I was lucky enough this week to have my work pay for a personal shopper for me and 2 other girls to ‘update our corporate look’ and we were drag around clothes stores for hrs.. the personal shopper called my style eclectic and tried to get me into some really weird things I’d never wear. There’s only so much squeezing into clothes you can take before feeling like crap.

    • Holly

      I’ve always wanted to have a personal shopper for the day but I’d be worried that they would try to push me into clothes that I just wouldn’t feel comfortable in. It’s pretty awesome that your work paid for that though. πŸ˜›

  7. I’m sorry you had such a bad panic attack, but I’m glad you somewhat recovered from it… II have been on a verge of one a few times in the past month, but thankfully it never got that bad.

    I hate shopping. I never find anything that looks good on me, all thanks to my stout stature. So buying fitting clothes is a real pain!

    take care, Holly!

    • Holly

      I don’t know why I always feel so down about shopping. I do have a good figure but I’m always afraid to try something new and different.