The Weekend Blog
20th July 2014
Another week, another weekend blog.
The beginning of the week wasn’t so great as I suffered with a panic attack on Monday night. The last time I had experienced one this bad was just before I moved away to university almost two years ago. It was horrible being on my own, but I managed to calm myself down with the help of some relaxing spa music. However, I still felt ill for the rest of the week and I’m still not feeling 100% well now.
I have absolutely no appetite and I haven’t had since Monday. I’m only eating at meal times because I feel I should, rather than because I’m hungry. And then when I do eat I can only eat small portions. This it totally unlike me.
My hip is also causing me issues (when does it not) and was probably one of the main factors in causing my panic attack. That day I had struggled to make it into town and back, visiting just two shops. It’s strange how some days I have little issues, and that I can walk around places like Southport, at a slow pace, without too many problems. Yet some days, even getting to the shops to buy essentials is a challenge.
It’s not just the physical problems caused by my disability that affect me. It’s emotionally draining. I try my best to put on a brave face but sometimes I just can’t cope. My self confidence has almost entirely disappeared and I am struggling to put any effort into the way I look. Shopping for clothes is a complete nightmare because I feel like I look rubbish in everything. But at the same time I know I need to buy new clothes because I’m wearing the same thing everyday.
I’m just struggling to look on the bright side of things at the moment. Everyday is a battle and it often ends in tears.
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