But I can’t get that even tanned look on my face

20th January 2014

I turned 20 two weeks ago today. The night before I lay in bed and wondered whether I’d wake up, no longer a teenager, free from acne. I know it was a completely unreal dream but I just thought about how much longer it could possibly go on for.

I still have acne. It’s still making me feel depressed and ugly. Today I have so much make up on I look like I’ve been shot in the face with a blast of foundation. I feel horrible.

I’m making a change in my life. I’m going to try something that might help with my acne. Might. I’m about to change my contraceptive pill to a different type of pill with a different combination of hormones. I’ve been researching about it and there is a chance that it will help to improve my acne. I’m apprehensive about starting this new pill as it has different side effects to my current pill but I am literally willing to try anything to get rid of it.

I’ve just got back from a week in Spain doing fieldwork as part of my degree. I was hoping that a bit of sunshine would help to clear my spots a bit, just like it does when I’m in Portugal, but no such luck. If anything, they have got a lot worse.

Lots of my friends on my course had taken pictures of our trip and uploaded them to Facebook. I started to untag myself from the pictures that made my acne look horrific as I didn’t want anyone to see. Not that it would really make any difference because most people would have already seen it when they were actually there on the trip, which must look worse than a picture.

Not only has my acne been causing me upset but my hip has been giving me grief too. On the trip to Spain I was agony most of the time. I missed a whole day where I was bed bound because I could barely walk. I had to stay at the bottom of hills that people climbed to get amazing views of Spain and I missed out on these experiences. I managed to hold back my emotions in front of people and I was regular praised on my bravery. I didn’t feel like I was being brave. I just felt useless.

What I did learn from my trip is that I have an amazing bunch of friends who understand my condition and give me as much help as they can. I had people telling lecturers that I need to stop when I was too stubborn to do so and admit defeat. People offered to carry my bag for me or give me a piggyback (I never took up the latter offer!). I missed Tyrone so much because when I’m in pain we cuddle and he makes me feel so much better about myself. I Skyped with him on my day at the hotel which was a real pick-me-up.

I have an appointment to see one of the top paediatric (because my condition is a childhood problem) orthopaedic surgeons in the country. I’m not seeing him to get advice on my hip, but I might ask anyway. I’m actually going to see him as I am pursuing my legal case for medical negligence, which I won’t be mentioning too much on here for privacy reasons.

Here are some pictures from my trip to Almeria, Spain. I didn’t take my camera and my iPhone doesn’t have the greatest camera in the world so they’re poor quality.

Badlands where they filmed one of the Indian Jones films.

Abandoned gold mine.

Cabo de Gata.

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  1. Cat

    I hope switching your pill works out! I’ve heard that, too, that different contraceptive pills can affect your acne. I also still struggle with acne, though I don’t break out all the time. I’m still trying different creams and washes, including prescription ones. I hope you’ll figure out something that will help!

    Sorry to hear that you had hip issues while on your trip πŸ™ That’s great that your friends were so supportive though. It’s always nice when people offer to help so much πŸ™‚

    I saw the photos you posted on Instagram too. Spain looks beautiful!

  2. Amy

    Hope you had a nice birthday!

    Hopefully switching your pill works for you, I’ve heard of people doing that before so it’s a good thing to try. Good luck with everything, and try not to get too down about it.

    The pictures of Spain look lovely. I’d love to visit different places like that – so jealous!


  3. Jessica

    I hope that you had a great birthday! I also hope that switching your birth control pill helps with your acne. Did your Mom or your Dad have serious acne problems as well? I’ve discovered that it’s mostly genetic. πŸ™ I’m glad to hear that your friends were a great benefit during your trip to Spain, and I’m very jealous. Spain is absolutely beautiful, and your pictures are wonderful…even with the crappy quality of an iPhone camera. πŸ˜€

    • Actually neither of my parents had acne. Nor did my brothers either. I’m just very unlucky!

      Spain is incredibly beautiful. Especially in the sun. Just look how blue the sky is in the first picture!